Friday, July 28, 2017

Thank you for screaming

Thank you for screaming

I don’t remember the first time I heard a Linkin Park song, but I remember the exact feeling.
After the death of my mother, I was in a downward spiral. There were so many feelings raging through me and when I wasn’t drinking, I could hardly stand all the emotions. I’ve never been someone who was outwardly emotional. I was raised to keep it inside, not to show or let anything out and that was probably killing me inside. These feelings were growing stronger by the day, feeding off my loss and spreading their control. Unable to control these demons, I felt helpless as they started taking over and leaving me a passenger in my own body.

One day when I was driving, a Linkin park song came on the radio and I heard Chester scream for the first time. I screamed along to the song even though I didn’t know the words. I scream at the top of my lungs for what felt like forever and at the end of the song I felt tired and my throat sore. Then, I felt something I haven’t felt in a while, a sense of relief.

I remember driving straight to a best buy and buying the CD. I listen to that CD over and over till I lost my voice from screaming. Chester and Linkin Park’s lyrics expressed what I couldn’t. I don’t know the story behind their songs, but they gave me the words that I wasn’t able to express. More importantly, Chester showed me how to scream.

The buried emotions were eating me up inside and I didn’t know of a way to bring them out. Inside your mind, these emotions are strong. They feed off the darkness in the corners of your mind, but like most demons, if you can bring them into the light, they often lose their power. These feeling won’t be easy to bring out, there’s not thinking it through or working it out. The only way to bring these feelings out it to scream and keep screaming and when you lose your voice, scream some more in silence.

The songs and the voice of Chester will be forever with me as they saw me through some dark times. Every time they’ve re-raised their heads, I know I had Chester with me to bring them to the light where they would have no power.

I am deeply sadden to hear about your death Chester. I know there are many others like me out there that you’ve helped through your music and the power of your voice. There’s nothing I can say that would truly show my appreciation so I’ll keep it simple.  Thank you.   

Chester, may you finally find peace and escape your demons.