Tuesday, May 31, 2005

So much to do…. Yet, I’m still here blogging
Yup, that pretty much sums things up for me right now. To be fair, I did go the weekend without logging on at all this weekend.

Here are the tid-bits that are flowing around my head.

- I went to a baseball game this weekend. I am now 1-10 at games this year. This is with 3 different teams too. No home team EVER wins when I’m there. They really outta pay me not to go. I can just imagine it now when I go next time. “Yea… sir. You’re not welcomed here anymore. Please go.”

- I got some nice props for my “I heart soccer moms” shirt this weekend. The guys found it funny. The moms giggled. Although the married guys were NOT at all amused.

- After this weekend, I think I’m going to slow down/stop on the ol’ drinking for a while. I think my tolerance has gotten incredibly high again. It’s just way too much effort/money to even get a buzz now. I have to wait till next week because there’s a wedding this weekend and it’s so on.

- It's really nice to go exploring a city with someone. I've traveled a lot by myself in random cities and though there's fun good things about that, it's definitly much better to share it with someone else.

- If you were one of the lucky recipients of my drunk calling this weekend, I bet you had yourself a good laugh. I was leaving messages with the lyrics from ‘We are the world’. “Hey ___, you know, we are the world. We are the children. We ARE the ones to make a brighter day... so let’s start giving. Give damn it GIVE!!” It would go on like that for as long as your answering machine would let me.

To tell you the truth though, I wasn’t drunk. I hadn’t even had anything to drink. I was just feeling generally silly.

- I really should think about having less recorded records of my drunkenness. This will surely come back to bite me in the ass later when I run for public office. You know you want me in office. You NEED me in office!

- Like millions of other Americans this past Friday, I went out and got a powerball ticket for the 215 million dollar jackpot. However, unlike most other people who play the lottery, I don’t bother with checking the numbers to see if I’ve won or not. The reason being that more than likely, I didn’t win, but as long as I don’t check, I don’t know for sure that I didn’t win. So with the possibility still there (however small), I can have lots of fun imagining what I would do with the 215 Million dollars (actually, it comes out to only be about 50-60 million dollars take home).
Some may say the lottery is a tax on stupidity. There may be some point to that, but $1 is a little price to pay for the fun of imagining what all I would with the money.

I did hear this morning that someone from Idaho won the lottery. Oh well... the evil island of Pup will have to wait.

In case you were wondering, after really pricing things out (yes, I actually did), 60 million is no where near enough for me to build an evil headquarters on a tropical island. Dang it.. Instead of giant evil headquarters with henchmen, I may just go with a semi-evil island house with 4 br 3 baths and a monkey.

Back to work! Good to have you back on this Tuesday!

Friday, May 27, 2005

Look what I made!

OK, here's how I would answer my questions:

1.) When you imagine stuck on a deserted island, do you see yourself alone, with someone (be specific), or with a group of people?

I’ve planned out what to do in all three scenarios as this is what’s going through my mind on a regular basis. Especially during meetings when I should be paying attention.

2.) What would you most like to find on a deserted island?

Dinosaurs. Preferably some that wouldn’t want to eat me. That or some other type of exotic super smart animals. A lost civilization wouldn’t be bad either.

3.) What’s the first thing you would do when you realize you’re stuck on a deserted island?

Make sure it’s a deserted island and not a dessert island. Dessert island would be most fun and delicious.

Yea, that made no sense.

4.) What have you done in your life that would most likely lead to you being thrown on a deserted island?
Hmmm… those conspiracy theories aren’t just theories are they?! I knew it!!

5.) If you start hearing crazy drumming/noises on the island, what would you begin preparations for (fight, hide, find the source of the sound, etc.)?

I’d cover myself in mud so I blend in with my environment. Take my trusty spear/halberd that I’ve made and go find the source. Hopefully, it’ll be a cool jungle rave. If not, the jungle (me) will come alive and take them out (assuming they are no good).

Yes… excellent…

6.) What skill would you most like to learn (that you don’t already possess) while being stuck on a deserted island?
Building stuff from natural materials and live in harmony with the land. I've really always wanted to do that.

7.) If you were on the deserted island with a group of people that you don’t get along with, what would you do?

They will follow me or they will perish. I will have order and peace!!
What? Why’s that wrong?

8.) What would you suggest as the form of leadership with the group of people you’re stuck on the island with, if any?

I would suggest everyone takes a turn as a leader. Then we can evaluate who’s the best and let that person take a longer term…. Bla bla bla… nevermind. I’ll take over. Those who oppose will be… silenced. I will rule and there will be peace. All will be good.

9.) If you found a seemingly endless supply of illegal drugs (e.g., heroine, cocaine, etc.) would you try some?

HA! What a silly question.

10.) How would you entertain yourself on a deserted island, if by yourself, if with other survivors?
I’m never by myself. The voices are always with me. Always!! What? They’re out to get me you say? Well, then they must all pay!! ARghh!! shut up! shut up!

I would probably build things. Lots and lots of things. Like build a whole village complete with stick people.

Oh... I'd try to communicate with the animals too. I'd so be Beastmaster.

11.) If you could have a theme song that described your experience on the island, what would it be?

"Turn the radio on... for that sweet sound…. Hold me close never let me go…."

I can’t remember the name of the song, but it’s a good time song and it reminds me of our kick- ass undergrad apt. where we would break out singing this sound.

12.) What would you want on the island that would make you not ever want to be found again, if anything?

Why do you think I’m on the island in the first place? I SO don’t want to be found.

13.) What animal would you like to find on the island to tame as your pet/companion?
Bear or dog – like animal. Duh.

Although a dragon would totally kick ass.
14.) What would be your plan to escape the island, if any?
And why would I want to do that after trying so long to get ON the island?
15.) When you imagin yourself on a deserted island, what are you wearing?
War paint and a thong. Tastefully done. But just a thong.

Have a great long weekend everyone!!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Pup's 15 Lost Questions
Answered by T

1) I see myself alone lost on an island. Maybe you and Ko are there; I haven't found you yet.

2) What would I like to find? a) A magic Djinni lamp. b) Rare earth materials. Something neat like dilithium crystals to power the warp drive engine, duh.

3) The first thing I'd do is go, "Damn." Then I'd go exploring until I find you and Ko. And if I don't find you, I'd keep exploring.

4) If being thrown on a deserted island is some sort of metaphor for purgatory, then I'm already there. Someone wants me to do something that will better me, and I won't do it for some odd reason.

5) If I hear drumming, I'd find the source. I'd want to join in and drop the bass, but I'd scout it out first.

6) Skills? I think it would be fun and painful to become a practical medic. If Ko's there, it would be even more fun. "A poisonous spider bit your toe? Well I gotta sever your leg with this dull arrow head." I take that back. I'd like to learn ritual magic become a witch doctor. That would rock.

7) Yeah, like I'm people person as it is. I'd have to isolate myself until I discover a way to a) kill them, b) eat them, c) work with them. Prolly c.

8) I wouldn't make a suggestion. I'd let the leader step up. Of course this will never work since people want to select a leader to watch him/her fail. So I'd have a test of basic survival skills. Catch some fish and prepare dinner for 3. Using the berries on the island, make a refreshing drink. With these twigs, make some clothes, etc.

9) Hell yeah, bitch!

10) A theme song...that's tough. I will survive! Gloria Gainer. You thought you had me!

11) And the batteries in the gameboy are dead? If it were just me, I'd burn shit. If I were with others, I'd tell ghost stories and shit like that.

12) What would I want that I could never give up if I were forced to leave? I would believe that I'm not alone. I would believe that some female were there with me. But I could never find her. I'd believe earnestly that she's out there for me.

13) Animal? Nah, man. I don't do no pets. Though it would be cool to see the same monkey everyday. I'd never go near him/her. I'd throw food at it. Call it Fred regardless of gender. It'll kill me in the end.

14) Plan to escape. Well I can't swim. I think I'd stay. No sense in leaving.

15) Dude, I'm naked!
I'm not Lost, I'm just sight-seeing

I was trying to steal some ‘what would you do if you were lost’ type questions after watching the finale last night on TV. All the ones I found on the net were pretty silly so I thought I’d make some good questions to ask you folks. Respond in the comments section or in your blog (let me know if you posted it so I can go read it).

Do it.... Doooooo it.... Comply!

1.) When you imagine stuck on a deserted island, do you see yourself alone, with someone (be specific), or with a group of people?

2.) What would you most like to find on your deserted island?

3.) What’s the first thing you would do when you realize you’re stuck on a deserted island?

4.) What have you done in your life that would most likely lead to you being thrown on a deserted island?

5.) If you start hearing crazy drumming/noises on the island, would you begin preparations for (fight, hide, find the source of the sound, etc.)?

6.) What skill would you most like to learn (that you don’t already possess) while being stuck on a deserted island?

7.) If you were on the deserted island with a group of people that you don’t get along with, what would you do?

8.) What would you suggest as the form of leadership with the group of people you’re stuck on the island with, if any?

9.) If you found a seemingly endless supply of illegal drugs (e.g., heroine, cocaine, etc.) would you try some?

10.) How would you entertain yourself on a deserted island, if by yourself, if with other survivors?

11.) If you could have a theme song that described your experience on the island, what would it be?

12.) What would you want on the island that would make you not ever want to be found again, if anything?

13.) What animal would you like to find on the island to tame as your pet/companion?

14.) What would be your plan to escape the island, if any?

15.) When you imagin yourself on a deserted island, what are you wearing?

Now go and answer! I’ll post mine tomorrow.

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Conspiracy Theory Wednesday ~Updated~
There are a couple of things going on in the world that isn’t sitting right with me. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ll share them with you and give you my take on it.

Another minimally reported church scandal

In a Louisiana church, so far nine people (including the pastor) have arrest warrants on them for sexual abuse of children. The former pastor told deputies he had been having sex with children for many years and "also educated the children as to how to perform sexual acts with each other and with animals,"

Animals? What the fuck? Among other charges, the pastor is being charged with ‘one count of crimes against humanity for alleged sexual acts involving animals’.

Why isn’t this spread all over the papers and headlines? Is it because it involves a church and no good church people can possible do something like this? Were there no pretty children in the abused for you to over sensationalize? Did this not happen in a higher economic status area or with a different population? Why something of this magnitude isn’t brought to people’s attention is beyond me.

Much like the under-reported dealing of the Catholic priest sexual abuse scandal, why is it that when it’s a group of people (especially church related), that the story becomes grossly under reported. Does this story not deserve at least 1/1000 airtime of Jacko?

Are we living in a society where we give halos to anyone who follows ‘the norm’ that some have set? And when one of halos strays, everyone simply sweeps it under the rug? What I mean by this is that there were at least 2 church going married couples (man-woman) involved in this atrocity. Could that have anything to do with the under reporting?

For all you who thinks legalizing same-sex marriages will somehow lead to animal sex and animal marriage, guess what? Apparently straight church going married people are way ahead of you.

Crisis in Asia

I think we should look for a Sith Lord at the helm of the Chinese government.

From the look of things, and probably without Kim’s knowing, North Korea is nothing more than a puppet of China. Most in the know (not that I’m claiming I’m in the know.... or am I?) will tell you that North Korea will jump at any command from China.

On one front, China is on the side of the US and other countries in trying to keep the North Koreans from reaching nuclear capabilities. However, China is also the one advising the North Korean on what to do and say. China is playing both sides and they will be the only winner in this.

Here’s my theory.
This entire crisis is over resources, in particular oil and financial resources/power. China WANTS to escalate this situation between North Korea and the US, perhaps to the level of war.

A war would be ideal for China. A war would get rid of an annoyance of China (North Korea), while seriously further drain the US resources and economy. A drain in the US resources will allow China to really step up as a superpower in the world. As such, China will be better able to negotiate buying up resources, such as oil, from other parts of the world (who wants to sell to a country in so much debt when there’s another one paying better prices and in cash?).

With a growing industrial nation, China needs more resources than ever to continue its growth. The US is the biggest consumer of resources, and if they are able to make it seem like a better solution/idea to sell resources to China instead of the US, then they will have the resources they need to grow.

Another reason to escalate a war in Asia is China’s desire to take back Taiwan. China has been threatening for decades now, but has never been able to invade due to Taiwan’s good relationship with the US. If there were to be a war in Asia, China can then easily invade Taiwan and take it back without any fears from the US (US wouldn’t dare fight China or even piss them off for fears that they would help the North Koreans). Taiwan will then be a sacrificial gift for China from the US.

The shroud of the dark side has fallen. Search your feelings. You know this is all true :)

~ Update ~

Execute Plan 66!

I really think the government is on to me.

My monitor at work has suddenly and mysteriously become dysfunctional and stop working. The IT dept is refusing to replace it because I technically still have a monitor on my laptop. Therefore forcing me to stare at my little ass laptop screen and giving me a headache.

I’m out of beer, bacon, and Jack at the house. I was left with only vegetables last night for dinner. This one may not be a government conspiracy as much as I’m not doing enough shopping.

I’ve seen at least 4 police cars behind or beside me in the last day since this post.

Someone called in the middle of the night and didn’t leave a message.

You won’t scare me with you little tactics government people! I won't be stopped! :p

Monday, May 23, 2005


Blea. Weekends are so short. It shouldn't be unexpected cause the weekend hasn't changed since I've been alive, but it always suprises me when it's over. Once again proving to everyone that the special power that I would want would by far be the best EVER.

Time Stop. Yup. Screw Flying. Time Stop.

So with that, and cause Tricia told me so….

I think I’ve done this before, but I’m too lazy to look so, here you go.

Three names you go by:

Three screen names that you have had:
Pupbert (I have the world cornered on this name so I only need one)

Three things you like about yourself:I’m strong with the Force
My voices have stopped telling me to hurt people (well, not all people)
I am the best Dig Dug player EVER

Three things you don't like about yourself:
I am retardedly cheap
My ever worsening memory (Wha? Who are you again?)
I don’t have a PSP yet

Three parts of your heritage:
If they went back to a monarchy system and enough people died (roughly 100 million), I can be king of a very large country

Ghetto Superstar
Part stuffed bear, Part Jack Daniels

Three things that scare you:
Neoconservatives (Religious fundamentalist)
Little Children (evil ones)

Three of your everyday essentials:
Talkin’ to my babe
More Bacon

Three things you are wearing right now:
Boring Boring work clothes
Spongebob Boxers
Lots of lotion (my skin is all peeling from the sunburn.... ewwwwww!!! skin flakes everywhere)

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists (@ the moment):
The Killers
Pet Shop Boys

Three of your favorite songs (@ the moment):
Dirty Little Secrets – Sarah McLachlan
Weezer – Beverley Hills
The Killers – Mr. Brightside

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Sky and sea diving
Travel to another country (preferably tropical)
Build doomsday device

Three things I want in a relationship:
A story book future

Two truths and a lie: (in no particular order):
I have been on ESPN
I can bake a killer 3 layer chocolate cake with pudding insides
My glasses are just for show cause I think they make me look sophisticated

Three physical things that attract you to the opposite sex:

Three things you can't do without:
80s music

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Talking politics
Hanging out with friends

Three places you want to go on vacation:
Tropical Islands (Caribbean, Hawaii)
Western Europe (Pretty much anywhere)

Three things you just can't do:
Stay on a pogo stick (I try this a lot too)
Understand what the majority of American are thinking
Win the lottery

Three things you want to do before you die:
Get a script made into a movie
Visit all 7 continents
Run for political office

Three celeb crushes:
Heidi Klum
Kirsten Dunst

Yup Monday. Try not to kill anyone. :)

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I heart waterfalls

This is a picture of a waterfall I recently hiked up when I was in Georgia. I miss hiking and camping. Sure I could hike in Kansas, but what's the point of hiking if there's no elevation change? Boorrrrring.

How in the world did I go from the nice rolling mountains of Georgia and TN to the great Rocky Mountains, then this? Flatest land in all the country? Sheese.

I have chosen..... poorly.

Does anyone else think the Chase Credit card commerical is kick ass? It has this couple going through all the stages of their lives and they use all these different credit cards. It's sappy, but good. What? Really it's good. Shut up!

I went to a Royals baseball game yesterday during work with work folks. It was the hottest day of the year yesterday at a killer 90-degrees. Being already burnt, I thought it'd be a good idea to slap on some SPF 50 since I'm already close to changing ethnic groups after last weekend.

After sitting out there for 3 hours, I didn't have anything even remotely close to a burn. Sundscreen huh? Go figure. Maybe I'll start using it more now. Although I still hate the smell of it.

This my newest New Music Recommendation. Jem - Finally Woken

After breaking away from the Holograms, Jem's out on her own. She's British and her music is very Sarah McLachlan/Dido - ish but with a bit more rocking and electronica. If you go to her site, you'll be able to listen to her whole album.

I can't believe I still haven't seen Star Wars yet. I've had chances both Wednesday night and last night to go, but just couldn't make myself go alone. I'm so lame.

Happy Friday everyone!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The Dark Side of Self-Esteem

I was thinking about stuff the other day. In particular, why some people are so messed up and something came to me. There isn’t any one source that’s causing how these people are acting, and these aren’t the ones we usually think about, but if there was something that causes these people to act this way, this may be it.

We live in a society where high self-esteem is synonymous and regarded as essential to well being. And why not? There is a wide range of evidence that supports the positive effects that high self esteem can have for individuals. There are evidence linking high self-esteem to higher expectation to succeed, higher task performance, being more independent, self-directed, and less prone to mood swings and depression.

These findings led to a great push in the shameless promotion of self-esteem by books, popular journals, organizations, and many individuals. Parents, educators, and many other adults blindly push self-esteem as the end all and one stop solution to children’s developmental problems (i.e., games where everyone wins, everyone’s special even without doing any work, etc.).

The great endorsement of self-esteem has gone largely undisputed.

Researchers from UCLA have presented evidence that disputes against the popular notion of self-esteem. They cited research suggesting that the value of self esteem may not be all it’s cracked up to be, and may perhaps be opposite of what we’ve thought.

Some of the most convincing evidence for the negative effects of high self-esteem has been derived from the area of self-regulation. The literature suggests that under conditions of ego-threat, people with a sense of high self-esteem may not be able to suspend their positive illusions to make accurate self-evaluation and therefore interfering in tasks involving complex self-regulation. In other words, an individual’s egotistical illusions can interfere and impair an individual’s judgment by overestimating their own abilities and setting unreachable goals for themselves.

An example of reality interfering with illusions is the degree of lawsuits that you see in our culture today. Everyone sues everyone for anything. This may be a symptom of greed, and wanting to get money out of anything, but there maybe another explanation. With the constant pampering throughout their lives, this high level of self-esteem developed in some people may have prevented them from learning to take responsibility for their own actions. All these years of being rewarded for doing anything trivial, and never receiving any negative feedback cause a great deal of egotistical illusions. Hence if anything goes wrong, it must be someone else’s fault.

For example, if I’m fat, it must be the fast food restaurants making me that way. That may not be the best example, but you know what I mean.

When reality finally catches up with these individuals, there maybe some serious consequences as they are no longer sheltered by their illusions, and if they have developed a strong enough defense, they may lash out at reality (and those in it) to protect their illusions.

More than ever in today’s society, we look for quick fixes and miracle answers to explain and heal all of our problems. We jumped on the bandwagon of self-esteem as the cure-all for all ours and our children’s problems without understanding the possible consequences it may have. Years later we begin to feel a backlash of self-esteem, and only then do we finally begin to investigate what direction this promotion of self-esteem has taken us, and more importantly, the negative consequences it may have had been causing all along.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Ultimate Weekend


After an 8+ year absence from tournament play, Pup was back in action this weekend at Mayfest KC. KC’s Ultimate Frisbee tournament. The weather was great, there were a couple hundred players from several states in the mid-west, the beer was flowing all weekend. Good times for all.

I had originally planned to play with a team of people from pick-ups that I play with here twice a week. Unlike other things the group does, there was a huge turnout for this weekend.

After our first game, a guy from a team in Nebraska came by to ask if there were any extra people wanting to switch teams because most of their people didn’t show and they were playing without subs (a very painful and non-enjoyable thing during tournament).

So me and a couple of guys switched over and played with them the rest of the weekend. It was fun as we won the first game!! Yay! That’s all I was looking for. Mark 1 on the ol’ W column. It was a good thing I didn’t have very high expectation as we got slaughtered during our next 2 games.

‘All About the O’

That was the name of the team I was playing with this weekend. What did it mean? Omaha (where the team was from)? Offense? Organization? Odor? Scoring 0 points during a game? Or simply what all of you are thinking of?

Just as we’ll never know what the P in “OPP” means, this will always be open to interpretations.

'Not that I needed anymore reasons to move to Canada'

There were these 3 young gals from Canada (Winnipeg) that came down to play with my original team. They made me want to be a Canadian badly. Not only were they great players, but fun, spirited, and of course quite cute. During one of the later games when everyone was drinking red bull or Gatorade to keep hydrated and their energy up, these girls reached into the cooler and popped open some beers.

Not that they were the first to be drinking, but it was still very awesome to see. Even more impressive than that, after drinking, the gals became amazing and unstoppable. Their throws were perfect, they always knew where each one would be at all times, they laid-out (dive) for everything. Generally kick ass. It was So Sweet.

'Sun burrrrrned – Ouch!'

This is something that just started in the last few years. I used to NEVER get sunburned and I was out in the sun a lot more back then, but I’m currently a nice lobster red. After being out all Saturday (~9am -6pm) I was pretty fried. The 4 hours or so on Sunday also did not help. However, by Sunday I had wised up and finally succumb to using sun block which I can’t stand. Sadly, too little too late.

I really should take some pics of me right now. I’m seriously ridiculously red.

'Shot Gun Intimidation'

One team (orange) we played on Saturday beat us 13-0. It was sad and people cried at the sight of how badly we were being slaughtered. The spectators were yelling ‘Mercy’ as we only pass the 50 yd line twice during the whole game. I kept hoping a Rocky song would come on and we would make the comeback of the tournament, but that wasn’t going to happen.

The orange team seemed unstoppable as they then played the green team. I wasn’t paying much attention to the game, but it seem like the green team was holding its own. When I finally went back to the team to get ready for the next game, I asked how the game turned out.

Apparently, not only did the green team hold their own, but they thumped the orange team badly. Goes to show you, anyone can be beat. Maybe not by us, but by someone.

So who do we play next? Of course. They green team.

We did the only logical thing to prepare for the game. We started drinking. A lot. We’re not being pessimistic, but even if everyone played their best game ever, we may score only 5-6 points.

When it was time to start, everyone on the team got out there with a fresh can, shot gunned it, then proceed to run down the field like crazies. Apparently, the shocking stunt worked as we scored the first point due to a freak play in the end zone. We lost the game 13-1, but it was a moral victory for us.

'Who's Your Father?'

4 more days till Star Wars!! Who’s with me at 12:01am?! I watched all 3 hours of the animated Clone Wars this weekend and I’m now all fired up about it.

Happy Monday!

Friday, May 13, 2005

Wild Mood Swings

I’ve been having them a lot lately. I notice them when I do. That’s the good part about being dissociative at a clinical level. Even when you’re acting one way, there’s always other ‘parts’ of you that can analyze how you’re acting. It’s hard to explain, but basically you having several different personas that interact individually and are separate within yourself. No, it’s not Multiple Personality Disorder (Personally, I don’t believe in MPD. One cannot completely separate within themselves. Those are merely more severe cases of Dissociative disorder) or Schizophrenia.

With the many people I know that are currently pregnant, I think I may be experiencing sympathy mood swings. I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m bored, and excited all at the same time. I’m not hungry yet I keep munching on things all day. I’m a bitch, I’m a lover.. I’m a child.. oh nevermind.

Ha.. I crack me up.

There are many things that are good and bad and possibly very good and possibly very bad in my world now. There’s definitely no shortage of crazy here. I now have to turn crazy away cause I went to CostCo and bought a bulk bag of it. I’m good for a while. Yup, no more need for crazy here.


Here’s a fun little quiz to determine where you are in the political spectrum in case you don’t know. I bet I can guess what most of you readers here are. You probably don't even have to guess how I lean politically.


I was having the weirdest dreams this morning. I was at the home I rented with 2 roommates back during graduate school. I came home and went to the kitchen where I found one of them in her underwear and on the floor in a fetal position yelling ‘asshole’. I tried to comfort her, but it didn’t seem like she could even hear me. I went back out to the TV room and fired up the ol’ PS2 and that’s when the other roommate came out of the bedroom wrapped in a towel. I asked him if he knew what was going on and he said he didn’t. Shortly after, 2 other women that I’ve never seen before came out of the bedroom also wrapped only in a small towel.

Ohhh… this is very interesting cause my two roommates are married.
Dum Dum Dummmmmmm!!!

I need to call them and see if anything’s up.


For a nice Friday read, here is a very informative article on all the varieties of SarahRed (She’s macktastic and apparently way ahead of the cool curve). Just to check, I googled it. Here’s a funny version of the origin of the word.



I LOVE rain. It’s been raining pretty hard here since last night. I had me a nice glass of Jack and Coke then had one of the best sleeps in a while last night (without someone else being in my bed). The rain was loud when I woke up this morning. Only 1 thing missing and it would've been perfect!

That’s enough stuff you didn’t really need to know.

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Death know's I'm ticklish...

but she keeps tickling me.

"Stop!" I say. "The pleasure pains me."
"Giggle, giggle!"
"Wait. I'm not the one who died."
"I know. But you intrigue me. How do you feel?"
"I don't know. I feel like laughing! I feel uninhibited! I feel happy. I feel ALIVE!!!"
"Funny feeling, isn't it?"

And I go blank.

It's no new news now. My father died 6 weeks ago and here I am picking up the pieces of my life.

Where was I before that tragic day? What was I doing? What does it matter?
I'm in the here and now and I want to live a new life. And have fun like I never did before. I want to be happy. But I don't want to force it.

I take a walk downtown and I see a mime dressed like a statue in wedding attire.

"Can you help me?" I ask. "Do you know where I'm headed? I'm looking for myself. I'm trying to find the new me."

The new me. Who is the new me? Will I like me?

I'm ready to begin anew! And I feel it in my nerves. It feels like freedom! A freedom like I never knew before. I'm ready for a change, a change for the better.

I really can't explain it better than this
Yet another sign of my oldness

I went to see The Killers in concert last night. If you look at the link, they are indeed that cool looking in real life too. Especially the lead singer. He had a jacket and a bow tie. Very cool.

More importantly, they are a great live band. The lead singer sounded better live than on the CD. That’s always a nice thing to hear. I hate going to see a band only to find out what they sound like on a CD has been heavily doctored (yea you Corgan).

However, several things were disturbing to me during the concert and made me feel old.

- The crowd was SO young. I’m not talking early 20s young. I’m talking around 13 - 16 young. Every time one bumped up against me I felt dirty and thought I was breaking the law. The only thought going through my head was ‘there’re laws to protect them against people like you’. But your honor, I was just standing there!

- How did these kids have money to go to a concert? I certainly could never get any money to see a concert.

- The concert was general admission and we got there relatively close to when the first band was going to start. Amazingly we found parking pretty easily (there are no pay lots, just neighborhoods to park in). We soon realized when we were in the concert place that half of the people here got dropped off by their parents.

- $8 for a Miller Lite draft is just ridiculous.

- During the show, some drunken asshat tried to start a mosh pit by himself by slamming into everyone (mostly girls around him). When the girls push back, he started getting more aggressive and pushing harder. One guy eventually grabbed him and took him to the side where the security took him away.

- During that interaction, I had a red bull and vodka and half a beer spilled on me. Good times.

- Here is my big problem with this scenario as the asshat was pushing everyone around. Not even 5 years ago, T and I would go to punk/metal shows looking for mosh pits and would be ready to open up a can in the pit. Last night, I just kinda sat there being amused by it all. Man, I’m losing my anger and need to step on that boy’s throat. I’m losing my edge. I need to get back the eye of the tiger.

- The following $8 Miller Lites seem equally ridiculous. Yet, somehow they still get bought.

- The concert didn’t start till 9pm, so after the opening band, the Killers, and an after show drink, I got home around 2am. Unlike my previous life (about 5 years ago), I was unable to wake up this morning.

- I tried drunk dialing on my drive home. I think people on my phone list are on to me to not pick up their phones at 1am in the morning when I call. One day, I will actually have an emergency and need to talk to someone and I’ll be SO screwed.

Overall, the concert was great. I give it an A for quality of band and B for overall excitement. I have pretty high standards for excitement. So far, only Prodigy, NIN, and Manson have received an A for excitement.

Wednesdays are usually meeting free. It’s very odd that no one EVER calls meetings on Wednesdays. This is a good thing. Especially today.

On other good news that doesn’t affect your life much. I got on a team for the Mayfest tournament this weekend! It’s for Ultimate Frisbee, by far the best game out there, not that I’m biased or anything. I haven’t played in a tournament since college days (wow that’s a long time ago). Some of the club players (those are the really good players) came out to the pick-up games last night.

It was just sad/amusing (like watching someone having something thrown at the crotch) watching me try to guard them and I will have to guard them all weekend. D’oh.

I’ll try not to embarrass myself too much or break anything. I did dive for the disc a couple of times yesterday and didn't feel too bad after so that's a good sign.

That is all.

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Monday, May 09, 2005

I would sure like to meet you.

Then I would scream “WHAT the Fuck is wrong with you people?!

Damn you people for being so ignorant and blind and pissing me off all the time.

Cervial cancer is predicted to be a major killer in women worldwide (about a million per year, with the majority in developing countries) in the up coming years. This cancer is caused by the human papilloma virus (HPV) which in developed countries, are usually caught before the deadly stage.

HPV is extremely common. Almost half of all sexually active women in the US between 18-22 have it. However, due to screening, this is usually not a problem, but in developing countries this is not the case.

However, thanks to new technology, a new vaccine is almost ready that will prevent most cases of HPV. Everything sounds great right? No, of course not. In comes the profoundly ignorant religiously wrong once again.

"Abstinence is the best way to prevent HPV," says Bridget Maher of the Family Research Council, a leading Christian lobby group that has made much of the fact that, because it can spread by skin contact, condoms are not as effective against HPV as they are against other viruses such as HIV.

"Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex," Maher claims.

WTF? You think THIS is the license to engage in premarital sex? Like all those young women are waiting out there thinking, ‘man, as soon as they make a vaccine…. It’s on!”

So Bridget, you’re suggesting that we keep this cancer and virus around in order to keep people from having sex? That’s fan-fucking-tastic thinking. Is the message here that not all cancers are bad? As long as the cancer serves YOUR purpose and keep people living in fear so they will follow your ‘rules’?

So what if millions of people have to die. We’ll all just learn to live under your rules and everything will be fine right? You people are unbelievable.

If you’re so against this vaccine for women in developing countries, why does a survey show 80 per cent of parents favor vaccinating their daughters? Are the women in developing countries not good enough for the vaccine? Will you make an example out of them just to prove a fucking point while killing millions of women that could’ve been saved by a simple vaccination?

Using people’s lives to push your little ignorant agendas, that’s something. You’ve gotta be pretty special to actually promote an idea like this.

Oh.. but it’s not just you that I have problems with in this case. Whole cultures of you are also to blame and on my list.

According to Anne Szarewski of the charity Cancer Research UK "We found that some Asian women in Britain are afraid even to get tested for HPV infection, because they say if it is positive they will be killed, never mind that their husbands probably gave it to them," says Szarewski. She feels that such attitudes may mean that HPV vaccination may be a non-starter in such communities. This same issue is also appearing in India where a large case of HPV is expected in the near future (projected 168 million in 2050).

Even when the vaccine is licensed and ready to go, the vaccine should, but probably will not, be given to younger girls (especially in different parts of the world). People will say 'My girl is very virtuous, why vaccinate?'

It will be a real challenge, not like other vaccines. Who knew wanting to save actual living people's lives would be so difficult. Where's that Sancity of life now?

This ignorant ass backwards thinking will be end of us all.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Maybe things aren’t that boring. Maybe I’m just boring.

That’s a very scary thought for me.

I can’t think of anything to write. Blame it on all the snot in my nose that’s stuffing up my creativity or imagination. You know the kind. It’s not runny, it’s just this thick slime that’s glued to your nose. If you try blowing it out, you risk blowing your brains out cause that’s how much force it would require. Breath it in is also not an option as it goes down your throat and forms nasty luggies.

Ok, I’m grossing myself out now.

The following are all that can be squeezed through my wall slimy mucus.

- I feel a bit bored. Both here at work and generally in life. I was in school for SO long, and while in school, there was always the goal of finishing your degree and getting a job. Those goals seem so far away for so long, but now I’ve finished and I’ve gotten myself a nice job. Now what? It’s been 1.5 years since I’ve graduated. I think I really need to think of another big goal to work for.

- Yes, my island of evil monkey empire is still a goal I’m working for.

- I'm looking into finally taking my GED practice exam later this month.

- This maybe just me, but I think it’s kinda strange. I don’t do this on purpose, but I always notice that my boxers usually match what I’m wearing for the day. I usually don’t notice till after work when I change out of my work clothes. I bet you didn’t care to know that but now it’s burned in your brain and you’ve lost actual useful information. Bwahahahaha.

- I may actually sign up for high speed internet next week. I still don’t see what I need it for. I’m on the computer the entire time I’m at work and so I’m hardly ever on the computer when I get home.

- Don’t waste your money on House of Wax. I watched it for free earlier this week and I wanted to ask for a refund.

- 2 months and 10 days left till Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out.

- Feel free to disagree, but I think Potter needs to get killed at the end of the series. It may just be my fascination with tragic heroes, but I think that would be a very good ending. A final battle where Potter would have to sacrifice himself to save the world and his friends. That’d be very sad, and children Prozac prescriptions would probably double. I’m tearing up a little even thinking of it, but I think that would be the best possible ending.

- I saw Sarah McLachlan last weekend. I heart Sarah. I’m seeing The Killers next Tuesday. My concert schedule rules lately. Wish I could’ve gotten NIN tickets, but no go :(

- An email with the subject: ‘Vegas’ are my favorite kind of emails.

- Remember its Mother’s Day this Sunday. Don’t be an ungrateful ass and forget to do something.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

My Date with a Real Girl

"There's no easy way to say this."
I sit across a coffee table from her. We're sharing lunch together and I watch as she delicately unwraps her deli sandwich.
"What? What is it?"
"My father passed away about a month ago."

I'm teary-eyed as I voice the words, but I say it with confidence, the security of release. I wait to hear her comforting words. A comfort like an warm embrace for someone who is shivering to pieces. I nearly start to cry.

"I'm so sorry. How are you doing?"
"I'll be okay. Thanks."

And I believe what I say.

"I didn't know my father so well, but I made every attempt to know the man, A.H.R. And I'm glad that I did. Because I loved that man, and I know that he loved me."

I tell her about my pilgrimage to New Jersey. And the flood of emotions I had while tracing the last steps of a dying man. He left only the slightest clues concerning his final wishes. During my stay I franticly searched through tattered files, called his acquaintances and local family members asking for details. I came up empty. So I took matters into my own hands.

"It was hell. Not without effort was I able to find a living will. A document of proof of some kind that gives me limited powers of an attorney. It was my only lead. So I acted. I drove to unfamiliar places in the counties of Elizabeth and Essex... Newark and Orange and Roselle Park. Signing forms granting me rights to his property, cashing checks made out to him several years past, etc. And I've just begun. It's rough. And I have to grieve, too?"

She sees it in my eyes. I'm in a mess and I'm about to break. She reaches for my hand and I don't retract it. We sit in silence, staring down at our lunch.

After awhile she tells me about her father.
"We're getting along better these days."

She tells me her father has made her and her mother victims physical abuse. She's very strong.

"I have countless brothers and sisters, so I'm told. But he chose to father only me. And now he's genuinely concerned about me."
"He feels regret."

We start to talk about the future.

"I've been accepted to a college in Washington for grad school!"
"No. They don't have a specialty in family therapy."
"That's too bad for them."
"Thanks. It's a small college, not far away from UWA. I'm so excited! I'm making plans. You know it's cold up there and colored folk like me might freeze to death. My friends tell me..."

She's overjoyed. I see her eyes sparkle.
I smile.

"What about you?"
"Oh, I dunno. I have an urge to travel. I don't know where I'd go, but I wanna go far, far away, just for awhile."
"'Just for awhile.' That's what they all say. You know, I don't know anyone else like you. You're unique. Truly unique. Unique people need other unique people."
"The people I work with are unique...."
"Yeah, but they're old."

We share a laugh.

"I miss caring for you! Yeah, last summer when I drove you all around town like a mad man. That was special."
"Did I drive you crazy?"
"You've changed. You're calm."


"I have a boyfriend.... Yeah, he's a boyfriend."
"Does he make you happy?"
"Well I like him and we have fun, but he doesn't believe in me."
"Break it off with him."
"That's rigid. Like you're an relationship expert."
"I'm serious. If you know he's not the one for you, don't drag it out. It's just a learning experience. Learn from your misfortunes and move on."
"How many dates did you go on during your college career up until now?"
"See. You're just having fun entering the dating scene. It's new. It's what people do. But don't be confused by your heart."
"And how do you know all this, mister skeptic?"
"I read books. But really. Trust me. Don't hurt yourself."
"Okay. But really, what's your deal?"
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."
"She's out there. GO GET HER! Why won't you believe?"
"Really. I'll be okay. I'll take care of it in time."
"Well hurry up already. It's a wonderful thing! Being loved and giving love in whatever manner."
"If you're with the right person."
"Yeah. But I'll find him. What about you?"

I leave the topic in the stale air.

"Well I've eaten all your cookies and it's been two hours."
"Yes sir!"
"Will I see you again?"
"Will you attend graduation?"
"You know I don't like formal affairs."
"So you don't wanna meet my parents?"
"Well I guess I'll be there!"

She gives me a hug and we say goodbye.

That was two weeks ago. I haven't seen her since. I don't think I'll see her ever again.
Damn you throat and knee!! Damn you!!
Why do you hurt me so?

I’m blaming this on old age and/or small germ factories.

I can safely say, with good medical evidence, that I hardly ever get sick. I think before this year, I had a good run of a year and a half or so without being sick. I used to get colds a lot when I was a kid cause I figured I’d get that all over with early. For a while, that did seem to work as beginning college, I hardly ever gotten sick.

Hmm… also around that time I started drinking… maybe there’s something there. Ok, I digress.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve already been sick once, that should’ve taken care of the sick quota for the rest of the year. Now my throat is killing me, my nose has started to drip a bit, and I’m feeling a bit headachy. This is totally going to kill my no sick numbers.

Also, after a couple of hours of ultimate Frisbee last night, my knee was killing me. Like I couldn’t bend it straight and a constant stabbing pain killing me. I’m totally falling apart here people.

To add to all this, I’m in a crappy mood. Not completely sure why, but I am. Then I started feeling sick, and I don’t know if any of you do this, but I actually get angry when I’m sick or hurting. Like WTF? Why am I sick? Why is my body failing me like this? I don’t have time to be sick or be hurt. It's such a waste of time.

I know, I know. There are people out there that are actually sick and hurt. I shouldn’t complain all that much. I'm generally in pretty good health. I was thinking this as I drove past a blind guy at a bus stop yesterday. Things really could be worst, but still. They don’t have posting rights on this blog so :p

I know I'm being whinny. I’ll cut it out. There was some good news yesterday. More on that later as it develops.

I’ll just sit here and listen to my new NIN CD.

Maybe things aren't so bad after all.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Master of my domain

That is what I was not this weekend. No, not with that sicko, my actual living space.

With 2 additional parental units and 3 small child units, nothing about my bachelor pad was really my domain this weekend.

After experiencing it first hand for a weekend, I must give some mad props to all the parents out there, especially single parents, for all that you have to do to raise a kid. You’re better people than me.

It always makes me think of my parents. They must really have a ton of patients. I can’t remember too much of what I was like when I was a kid, but I’m willing to bet I was one of the worst ones out there. You see, I’m a bit high maintenance. I admit it.

However, my parentals were allowed to beat us with thin bamboo sticks too so that really even out the playing field a bit.

It was a good time though. It’s nice to see kids get excited over things that most adults have grown too cynical to enjoy.

For example, going to a park. Being a single guy, it’d be awkward if I just went to a local park and either stare at the kids or play on the play set thingy. I don’t want to be that guy. You know that guy. The creepy guy that’s just a bit too old to be where they’re supposed to be. I bet wearing my “I heart soccer moms” shirt doesn’t make me less creepy either.

These Jungle Jims (I know it’s gym, I just like the idea of a Jungle Jim) sets are a lot different than I remembered in the old days. The ones I played with were all rusty and metallic. One wrong move and you’ve got tetanus. Instead, they have this nice hard plastic now. My Jungle Jim had things that you could easily hurt yourselves on like monkey bars and merry-go-rounds. Nothing like that now. Everything seemed way too safe. All the slides seem short and non slippery too. It’s no fun when a slide doesn’t shoot you at least 10 feet out.

Anyway, those park things are fun and having a kid with you gives you a pass to play on those things. My favorite was the little animal that you sit on that’s attached to a big spring. That’s a good time.

On a completely unrelated note. I got this from Sloth, but I thought it was important enough to share. It’s utterly disgusting. A judge claims that a 13 yr. old is not old enough to make a rational decision about an abortion?! WTF? So you’re saying a 13yr old is old enough to be a single mom? Good logic ASS. Where the hell are those people arguing for a judicial review now?

Why isn't this anywhere in the national US media? Why the hell do we have to get this kind of news from the BBC? Damn you people.

You know, with the recent gun laws passed in FL and now this, FL is like a little Iran with theme parks. Choices? Freedom for individuals? Yea, we're not really doing that anymore here. 200 yrs was a good run. Let's try fanatic religious theocracy for a while.

Pretty soon, maybe we’ll even get back to stoning. I bet these same people think this sounds like a good idea. Fuckers.

Happy 4 more days till Friday!