Pup-lic Enemy #1

“OMG, I’m getting detained at the airport for having a butcher knife”
That was the text message I sent some of my friends last Wednesday.

It started with a 6am flight which I had to wake up at 4am for. I’m ok with coming home at 4am, but wake up at 4am I do not do. So even with the alarm blaring, I overslept a bit and didn’t get up till 5am.

It was a big ‘Holy S#@!’ moment as I put on a suit and ran out of the house. It usually takes about 40 min to get to the airport. I got there in under 20min. The footage of the drive would work great at a driver’s ed course for how to break every traffic law there is.

When I got to the airport, the check in machine notified me that I was too late to check in. It made me book on the next flight. I CANNOT miss this flight. This is a meeting that can’t be missed or be late for. I ran to the security line which for some insane reason was really busy (seriously, who the hell is flying at 5am?). Add to the fact that I always pick the longest/slowest line does not help me in getting to the gate quickly.

I ran to the gate counter and luckily they just called all seats and all rows. I ran to the guy working the ticket and just pleaded and begged. As fortune smiled on me, there was a seat for me still and he got me right on.

By the time I got on the plane, I was sweaty from the running (ATL airport is way too big and naturally my gate was almost the last one), and a suit is not good running attire. I felt bad for the guy sitting next to my sweaty ass, and he thought he was going to get seats all to himself. Ha.

This is probably the highlight of the trip. When I landed in NYC, there was a guy with a sign that read ‘Pup’. My customer had sent a car for me. OMG, I’ve always wanted a driver with my name on a sign. SO cool.

The meeting went well overall. My customers looked good in front of their bosses, so that looks good on me.

Before I left, they gave me a gift bag with lots of t-shirts, hats, and other little things. The guy I had been working with mentioned that he checked and there wasn’t any liquids in there. I said thanks and took off for the airport.

When I got to security the strangest thing happen. They asked me if I wanted to take my bag outside and come back later. I’m like ‘uh no?’. Then they ask again, ‘are you SURE you want to run this bag through security?’. Once again, I’m like ‘yea’. Finally they asked, ‘are you sure you want us to check your bag?’. I’m like ‘sure, go ahead’.

They all just shook their head. You see, I’m not very good with hints.

The lady checking bags pulled out a big butcher knife out of the bag that my customer gave me. I said ‘what the hell is that?!’ We tried to warn you, the security guys said.

Following procedure, they had to call their supervisor who in turn called the security with the M-16s. They took me away and asked me questions. Mainly, ‘Why’re you flying with a big knife?’

My answer was ‘I didn’t know it was there?’
They would ask ‘How did you not know what was in your bag?’.
My reply was ‘Cause I’m a dumbass.’

After what seemed to be forever of this, they took my driver’s license and went away for a while. The only thing I could think of was me listening to airport announcements that said ‘Make sure you know the contents of your bags’. I’ve always wondered what kind of dumbass doesn’t know what’s in their bag.

Obviously, I’m the dumbass they make those announcements for.

They came back with a good cop/bad cop thing. I thought that was just a movie/TV thing. They gave me the 3rd degree and eventually decided that I’m not a terrorist but just a dumbass. No laws against dumbasses yet.

It was strange, but I really didn't get that nervous during this whole thing. Even though I'm sure they couldn've sent me away to Gitmo forever. Although after such a long day, maybe that'd be a nice break.

Lucky for me, my flight was delayed. So I did catch my flight. I got home around 1am.

Now that’s a long and eventful day.