Lately, I’ve been uncommonly mean. Not just regular mean, but bottom of the barrel sludge vileness. The things that are spewing out of my mouth are just plain hateful. It was like in any instance, I would choose the worst possible thing to say. Right after I say it, I'd find myself saying, damn that was mean, what the hell is wrong with you? You being me. Yes, I dissociate like that.
Unfortunately, this was also our semi-family reunion. My siblings live either in another country or across the country. We only see each other about once a year. I found that I was just generally unpleasant to be with all weekend. This is odd too since everyone else seems to be all cheery or at least trying to be cheery. This is traditionally my role to make everyone cheery, but it seems so reversed this weekend. I was just all kinds of hateful.
I think the main reason is work. It’s almost unreasonable how much work we have right now. Along with a few bad clients, this is putting me in a really bad mood. I have to use up all my patiences dealing with people all during the day. By the time I’m done I’m just a big ball of hatefulness.
I’m glad I don’t commute. Man, there’d be some road rage going on.
I’ve been trying to do more fun things to balance out this work stress. Every time I go out though, I’m still thinking about all the work that I’m not doing. This is even affecting how much I drink. I’m finding myself drinking less so I can still work after going out. See, told ya this is a real problem.
I even committed a personal cardinal sin yesterday because of work. I missed our winter end of season tournament. I blamed it on the weather, but it was only raining for a little bit. It was a perfect day to play. I backed out though to do work. I don’t back out of Ultimate, and especially an end of season tournament. I feel so guilty.
This is not something I want in case you think I enjoy working this much.
I’m not sure if this is just temporary or the beginning of a trend. I sure hope it’s not the beginning of a trend. My boss said that instead of us slowing down by April, it wouldn’t be till May or June this year. I was going to take off for a trip in April to give myself a break and my first real vacation (yea, I’ve never had one over 4 days), but looks like we’re going to have to move that. Although I think I’ll be able to go further away with going later in the year so that’ll be good.
I’m so ready to go somewhere as far away as I can and as soon as I can.