10 Things in My Head

- The ides of March. We’re told that we have to beware of them.

Ides sounds like a delicious fruit. You have to look out for them because a big nasty cockroach-like bug lives inside it. When you take bite from this super delicious fruit, the bug springs to life and jumps down your throat and lay eggs. After a short period, thousands of these bugs will craw out of your mouth and anus.

OK, maybe we should beware of them.

- What is the male equivalent of a princess (spoiled girl)? Like, what do you call a spoiled guy?

- It’s cool that I can say I woke up and went to bed in my own house yesterday, but I had lunch in New York City.

- If you think having record heat in one part of the country and a snowstorm in another part is normal, you’ve got some fun surprises coming.

- I seriously need to just plan a vacation and go. It’s almost April and I’ve got no plans. I’m gonna miss out on vacationing again this year and it’s gonna seriously piss me off.

- I need to find a way to take advantage of all the stupid greedy people who are losing their homes now because they can’t pay the mortgage. Stop blaming the mortgage companies. Yes, many of them probably lied, but you still should’ve known better or not be so damn greedy.

- I found a place that would be perfect to throw a party. Seriously awesome place. It’s part of an antique store and they’ve decorated it in an old French Moulin Rouge style. Seriously awesome. Now I just need to make 125 or so friends to fill the room and it’s on.

- Something’s digging up my flowers. Something’s gonna have to die. Extreme prejudice will be applied. Then I will feed it an Ide of March.

- I think it’s time for another serious clean the house session. I can’t believe I even wrote that. A few years ago, I would’ve slapped me silly for even thinking that. Now I just want to smell Mr. Clean.

- What’s a better utensil? The spoon or the fork? I say the spoon. Nothing the fork can do that my hands can’t. My hands can’t help me drink soup. Discuss.