Hi!

The best thing about having a car that doesn't accelerate is that you can dance 12 bars before you run into anything!

I put $5 of gas in my tank the other day; that's just enough to crank it up. I need 5 more dollars to make it go.

Ass, funk and piss...if you're the passenger, you're sitting in it!

I name my car the Bass Ship; I'm the Bass Cadet. Let me 'splain sumptom. Only one speaker works...2 days out of 7! The bass tone is actually a ratty old muffler. I drive around thinking of ways to sample that tone with real beats. Hey, it kills the time!

About 18 months ago, some fucker broke into my car and guess what he stole? A cassette deck car radio! What a dumbass. Must have been hard up for cash. That I can understand. I wonder, could he have even gotten 20 bucks for that old radio? I guess 20 bucks is a short lived party....

Love my car! Its a love affair really. Whenever I do something nice for myself, I do something in return for my car. For example, I get a haircut, the car gets a clean windshield. Sometimes I cheat the car; "Yeah, I got new kicks! So what? You weren't suppose to see that! I'll hook you up with an oil change next week."

My car can't afford to be jealous. We're cruising on I-75 North at top speed of 50 mph. Yeah, anything faster than 51 mph will be the death of my car. So, my car's like, "Dude, get a car like that! Check out them rims, yo! Tinted windows on that one! Oh, snap! That one has a V-6!!!"

I'm jealous though--my car gets more booty than me, even though most of the time its mine.