I'm trying...

When I'm depressed I go driving. I onced lived outside of Atlanta. Man, I miss driving the highways there. I miss getting lost uptown, downtown, midtown. Here in Macon I'll drive circles around town and weave through it's outskirts over and over until I wear myself out or the cd ends.

I'm always looking for back-ways and alley-ways and shit to see, shit to steal. And I usually make it out of whatever ghetto I find myself lost in unscathed. Though tonight I noticed that my engine is overheating a tad. Gotta get the radiator looked at.

I lived on the northside of town for 2 years and on weekends when I needed to drive I would 50 miles north using back roads. I drive the pitch black roads hoping to find my bearings as I approach the next small town, hoping to reveal the undiscovered countries in the backwoods of my imagination. By the time I returned home the paperboy has begun his early deliveries. I often received the Sunday paper for free. That guy was as sad as me.

Car repair costs are bittersweet. I love to drive, but my car is wearing thin. I will always drop the world to rejuvenate my car in whatever little way I can. I once spent $400.00 to have the passenger side seatbelt re-mounted! After that bill I didn't eat for a month. Last year it was four new tires. This year it'll be CV joints. So long as I don't outlive my car....

My thoughts are clouded. Too much alcohol, I think. I'm hungover even when I've not been drinking. So I drink and get drunk and the hangover is justified. I don't want the world of tomorrow just yet. I'll cherish this fleeting moment until the next, until life support runs out, until my sister returns from Iraq, until my daddy's heart surgery is pronounced a success. I'll wait until then. Soon the wait will end.