Don’t believe Porn!!

The last time I was at the doctor’s office, I decided to go for a full check up. I haven’t been in there for years, probably at least 3 or 4 years, and after some nagging from a friend, I finally caved. I randomly picked a doctor that was close to where I worked and made an appointment. I asked around the office, but apparently no one knows any doctors, but I now know the 3 best pediatricians in the state (stupid suburbia).

The day finally comes and I leave the office a bit early and I headed for the doctor’s office. I go through the usual procedure of waiting around in the waiting area, catching up on magazines from months ago (still news to me if I don’t know). Finally, I get called in by one of the nurses and follow her to the room where the doctor would see me. Oh, but it’s not that easy, I had to be weighted, measured, blood pressured, the works. When the nurse left, she said the doctor would be running a bit late from the hospital, but she’ll be right in. So I waited and waited. Apparently, we had different definitions of “she’ll be right in”. Mine being “she’ll be right in”, hers being “whenever she gets here”.

Now being the absent minded person, I didn’t really make the connection the first name of my doctor until she walked in. Thinking back, Heidi… hmm.. I still think that could’ve gone either way. So she walks in, a bit out of breath, and introduces herself. She was a young gorgeous lady. She had dirty blond hair tied up in a bun with a fair complexion and narrow dark glasses. Her doctor’s coat was only buttoned half way up with a nice soft blouse underneath. There’s some small talk, then she goes into the medical history stuff. This is the point where my mind begins to drift into every hospital porn scene ever (that my friends have told me about of course).

For the next few minutes it went perfectly as scripted. She asked me to get on the examination chair and remove my shirt so she could check my breathing. She puts her hands on my back as she gets closer to listen. I don’t know how a lot of women do this, but man, your hair smells good. I tried using the same stuff, but it’s just not the same. Anyway, she tells me to stand in front of the examination chair so she could check out more breathing. Now she’s standing extremely close. All is well. But therein lies the problem, things are a bit too well.

As I begin fantasizing what was to happen next in these scenes, she says those magic words. Could you please drop your pants and underwear so I can check for any prostate problems? Of course, all I heard was “please drop your pants”. Standing there slightly aroused, I was getting a bit embarrassed. I’m still keeping hope that this situation would follow the script and some nice hot action would ensue. What came next was not me, but another twist. The doctor called in a nurse. She explains that during this type of examination, she needed someone to observe to make sure there’s no funny business. Of course the only thing going through my head now was “GREAT!! 3 way!!”. I stand there now aroused at the fantasy of this hot doctor and her equally attractive nurse giving me a complete physical. Oh it’s going to be a good day for pup.

In a flash, I feel a tug, a pull, and a quick cupping. Then I hear those dreaded words “you can put your pants on now.” What the HELL?!!? Is that it? Did I miss something? This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. That’s it? I got a physical? Was there a key word I should’ve said or something? This is NOT what I paid for!! Well, it was, but not in my head.

Listen kids, too much porn will corrupt you. Let me warn you in case you don’t know. Porn Lies!!

Stupid Porn.

I ordered pizza the other day too. Nothing from the pizza girl either except the pizza. :(