The Pumpkin Incident at College St. and University Dr.


4:44am. The music of Bach plays softly in the background. The night is humid. The sky is overcast; the moon peaks through the thick clouds from time to time.... Waiting for the light to break free is something to do. The feeling is calm yet eerie. Funny how an LCD display of four looks like a two pronged pitchfork.... My thoughts wonder fluidly. I must fall asleep soon else tomorrow will be miserable....

My eyes are alert but there is no threat, except the darkness. The shadows take form around me and I lie still. I'm relaxed; somber. Then the quiet darkness begins to consume me. I'm frightened, just a little. I'll sleep once it takes over me. I wait.

These incidents take place 4 weeks ago. I try to forget the occurrence of Love. Here's how it happened. 2pm. Thursday. The phone rings. "Mr. T, may I ask a favor of you? I need a ride home after work." She gives me directions to her job and I arrive there around 5pm. "Its good to see you," she says. "I can't go home yet; I don't have a key to the apartment. Let's hang out at your office. My roommate will get me from there." It seems innocent enough; I don't mind catching up with a friend. Two hours later her roommate shows up. "Oh, by the way, I'll need you to get me again tomorrow, if you don't mind." I don't mind.

Her car is broken. Likely story. But I've been there many times myself. "What are you doing about the car?" I learn that the transmission is shot to hell. "I'm saving up. My parents will help, but I don't want to exploit them." Yeah, that's why I'm here.

The weekend comes and goes. Eventless? Well Airek was there. I think that was the wicked Jaeger weekend..... Anyway, Monday comes and I'm looking forward to seeing my love again. I arrive to pick her up. "Its a Taco Bell day," I proclaim. "Let's grab a few soft tacos on the way back to the office." "Um, okay. But after tacos let's go to Target." Taco Bell is on the way back to the office; Target is two miles out of the way. I give in to her, ummmmm....demand?

For the next few weeks I make several trips around town for her; fast food joints for soda and fries, Target again, Walmart (for me), the drug store for juice, the convenience store for crackers, church for bible study and/or choir practice, Target again.... "I've got to get gas!" Silence. I pump the gas. I pay. We always end up at my office waiting for her roommate to come around. She's always on the phone and my PC while we wait. "You can talk to me. I love to hear sounds of life around me," she says. "But you're not being attentive. I may as well be inanimate. I'm not thrilled by listening to my own voice. If I talk, at least look in my direction." "Say that again...."

The next Friday comes around. "My job assignment ends next week. I can either go back home and live with my parents until the fall semester starts, or you can help me find a job." I, being of a working class family, become excited of her ambition to go job hunting. "Great! I'll make it my mission to help you get a job. Monday we'll go around town and get you some applications!" Monday comes and I drive her to several strip malls. "You'll have to get the forms for me. I don't have the courage to do so myself." But I don't need the job. I'm not doing this for my health, you know. "Sure. But you'll have to learn to do this. Watch what I do." I score her seven application forms; she gets one on her own.

Back at my office: "What is the one thing that annoys you most about me?" The way you ignore me. "You always seem to strike up a conversation with the telephone while I'm right here." The way you treat me as your favorite lap dog. "Honestly, I know there are other people in your life, but I'm right here--right now. I like to believe I can provide good company." A small giggle. She has exposed me and I let her do it. She knows now that this, of her many devices, hurts me the most, yet she makes no effort to ease the pain. I feel ashamed for admitting this to her. I begin to take back what I said, by rationalizing her actions. "You work all day. You're away from your friends. Of course you want to catch up. I shouldn't let it bother me." I plead for mercy. But its too late.

"I've decided I won't get a job in town after all. I have to go up north to help my brother with his family. Of course you'll get me from work until the assignment ends.... Thanks for your help, pumpkin. You mean so much to me."

And so a few days later, it ends. "Why do we do it, Airek? Why do we do everything and anything for them?" "We do it because they control us." I do it because I'm weak. "They have mysterious powers over us." I'm a fucking weakling. "We are defenseless...." A fucking coward, I am.

I did learn a lesson. I had a love for a brief moment. Though we were never physical the love was there. I demonized her here, but actually we did bond well together. There were moments where we shared confessions as we sat out on the grass in the evening haze. We talked of our futures and dreams and desires. Those moments were few and far between, but the entire affair was just as temporal. A boyish fantasy of flying to the moon--my wish to be in love, "ten years from now...."

It seems the only thing I lost is 250 miles on my car, 75 of those miles are mine. So what did I learn? You have to take care of the things you love. True friendship is a rare commodity; longevity of any relationship requires care and love. I committed my will to her needs. She waited on me as a infant waits on her father. I cared for her, though not passionately, rather paternally(?). I'm still confused. Think I'll get a plant.