Pup and the Police

I get nearly pulled over by the police all the time and I get pulled over pretty darn often. Usually for my incredibly bad driving. Sometimes caused by alcohol, sadly though, most often not. Also, luckily (knock on wood), I usually get pulled over when I am sober. That's because I am a much better driver when I've been drinking. I am serious. I am much better driving intoxicated (not completely, just a little bit intoxicated). I obey speed limits, traffic laws, less swearing at others, and really concentrating on the driving cause I don't want to get pulled over.

Overall, I'm just a bad driver though. I find driving to be quite a bore. I usually end up singing loudly (and quite badly) in my car (one of my favorite past times), or dancing in the car (very funny given that I live in a very boring conservative part of town. I get the most crazy looks), or staring into the nothingness and thinking about deep stuff (e.g., what I would do after I win the lottery, or the reason for human existence, or why any guy getting hit in the crotch with any projectile is ALWAYS funny). Most times, I am doing all three of the previously mentioned activities. Hence very bad driving.

Beyond the bad driving. My car is pretty crappy physically and looks like something that was just used robbing a liquor store. We'll talk physical here, cause the engine problems arridiculousdiculos. Big red (my sweet car), has a 0-60 of about.. 2 minutes.. on a good day... going down hill. So not the ideal get away car.

No hubcaps (political statement), one break light out (I think, I can't run fast enought to really see), and one head light that goes on and off (I replaced it myself, henworkmanshipmenship. I try taking it to an auto repair place, but they laughed at me and told me it was only one screw to replace it. Obviously, they don't know the degree I can fuck simple things up.)

To round out the degree of my ghetto-ness.. with all those other problems with big red, one thing she does have.. that thing is a bass system that will blow up ladies skirts within a 10 feet radius. A friend put it in cause he didn't want to just throw it away. Now I come into work scaring the nice old ladies and setting off certain car alarms.

All these years driving in the aggressive streets in the dirty south I think have also made me a bad driver too. Actually, let me rephrase my previous statement. I'm just a bad driver in this fucken driving speed challenged town that I'm in. I have cexpectationecation when I'm driving, like people not have a 10 second delay on the green light, that speed limits are simply suggestions, or that tending to your children while being on the phone in your damn big ass SVU does NOT make it ok for you to almost swive into me. At least in the more aggressive streets of big cities I know what to expect, and I'm ok with that (see Jay's post for very accurate anddescriptionription of that. A few posts back.).

All this equals Pup getting pulled over by the police on a fairly regular basis. However, when they see it's a stuff animal driving the car, DUI are not the first things on their minds.

I have no idea what the point of this post was. Listing to The Smiths a bit too much. Guess it was time for a little self hate.

I think it started out as something half ass worth reading, but it is completely gone now. oh well..

Ta ta!

P.S. - Big Red's still better than T's ride though. Now that's a ghetto-cruiser.